SECOND ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT DOESN’T FAZE SENATOR

A bio-terrorist has made a second attempt on the life of Senator Geoffrey Winegard. The Senator had been attending a campaign rally in Georgetown and was returning to his car when the incident occurred.

While authorities are not releasing details of the investigation as of yet, there have been reports that yet another campaign poster with a cryptic threatening message was found at the scene.

Here’s a video of what Senator Winegard himself had to say about the recent attack.

Since the attack, community leaders and local residents have shown their overwhelming support for Senator Winegard’s uncompromising stance on putting an end to bio-terrorism once and for all. The latest polls show his approval rating 10-12 points higher since prior to this latest incident.

WINEGARD SHAKEN, BUT RESOLUTE

The political world was rocked today when news of an assassination attempt on Geoffrey Winegard’s life was reported in the Paramount district during the gray hours of dawn. “I just heard a man screaming,” recounted an eyewitness, “then I smelled the smoke.” First responders arrived to find a vehicle engulfed in flame, parked in the back alley near the infamous Crocodile Club.

Although the Senator escaped without harm, a cryptic message left on the back of one of his campaign posters seems to promise the threat isn’t over:

"I am sharpening my bio-terrorist genes to stab you in the heart, Senator. You have proven to be a worthy foe – a real fighter with conviction for your beliefs. But when this battle is over, you will lose to the power of bio-terrorism incarnate. I have no rules, no code, no mercy... your stalwart righteousness doesn’t stand a chance."

When reached for comment, Senator Winegard remained resolute. “These bio-terrorists won’t intimidate me, this cowardly attack only reinforces my message: normal Americans aren’t safe as long as a single bio-terrorist is free.”

Senator Winegard has famously built his political legacy on opposing bio-terrorists. The Senator’s proposed legislation that would have severely limited the rights of those even associated with conduits, but it gained little traction in his caucus. But the recent spate of bio-terrorist incidents has breathed new life into his campaign.

Pointing to his smoldering car, Winegard concluded, “This is precisely the sort of menace Freedom for Normal Americans Act is intended to contain, and this attack is proof the bio-terrorists fear what will happen if it passes.”